I strongly recommend that any and all married people read this article called “The Stages of Marriage” at AgeAndHealth.com. The 12 stages of marriage are outlined by Michael Gurian. Notice that this was written in 2005. It’s still worth reading!
This man’s book helped me through a very difficult time in my marriage. It was difficult, I learned from the book, because my husband and I went through a stage called “The Crisis” stage from Day 1 of our marriage! Usually this should be Stage 5. But for us, Stage 5: The Second Crisis occurred alongside Stage 1 and the ohters that followed. Our crisis was that my husband couldn’t find a job for a very long time, and that was hard for me to understand by about week #2 of our marriage:) But it’s all good now, as we are in year 9, AND he has had a really good job for years now.
Oh, see writing at 12:00am. That’s never good. Too many weird tangents. I apologize!
SO, as I was saying, these 12 stages are quite similar to real life, except that some stages will occur out of order. The stage that makes me saddest to read about is Stage 3: Power Struggle. This stage can last for years, and it is the stage during which most people get divorced. The reason it makes me sad is because for some couples, this stage would probably lead to Stage 4: Awakening, except that marriage is so confusing and hard, sometimes that couples don’t know there’s another stage around the bend.
That last paragraph does NOT in any way imply that I think people should avoid divorce. I know a few too many people who’ve been in dangerous or hopeless situations to judge. So, to clarify, the prior paragraph means ‘I get sad when marriage is hard and confusing for people, especially me,’ NOT ‘I get sad when people get divorced.’
Okey Dokey, so this post was a tad on the unfocused side, as I am writing it after 12:00am, which I think is against a rule I set for myself a LONG time ago for this very reason…But hopefully you’ll find the article interesting–and, should you be having a hard time with your spouse–helpful and a source of relief.
